What Are You Practicing When Nobody Is Watching?

I often think about a video clip I once saw of Kobe Bryant speaking with a female collegiate basketball player after a difficult loss.

She told him that she hadn't watched the film of the game. She was embarrassed by the performance and didn't want to relive it.

Kobe encouraged her to watch it.

Not because it would make the loss feel better.

Quite the opposite.

The film could show her things she couldn't see in the moment—mistakes she made, decisions she made under pressure, what she was thinking, how she responded when things didn't go her way.

The uncomfortable part was also the useful part.

The lesson was simple: sometimes the work we most want to avoid is where the most important work is waiting for us.

I've thought about that idea quite a bit in my own work with athletes.

Because some of the most meaningful examples I've seen of this haven't happened during scheduled practice.

They've happened when nobody was watching.

Doing the Hard Stuff

During my time working with athletes at an MMA gym, I saw plenty of examples of athletes willingly putting themselves through difficult work outside of scheduled practices.

Hill sprints were a particularly good example.

A lot of athletes don't exactly wake up thinking, “You know what sounds fantastic today? Running up a hill repeatedly until my legs stop cooperating.”

But many of these athletes did it anyway.

Sometimes they organized the work together, making something difficult feel a little more manageable because they weren't doing it alone.

Other athletes continued training at home, working on the heavy bag or practicing with siblings in their garage.

There wasn't always a coach standing over them.

Nobody was necessarily keeping track.

They weren't doing it because someone told them they had to.

They were doing it because they understood something important:

If they wanted to improve, they had to be willing to do things that were difficult.

For some athletes, that meant recognizing that there were disadvantages they couldn't control.

They couldn't change every circumstance surrounding them.

But they could control how they prepared.

They could establish structure.

They could set goals.

They could put in additional work.

And that work gave them something important: a greater sense of ownership over their development.

They weren't simply hoping to overcome their disadvantages.

They were actively doing something about the things they could influence.

What They Were Really Practicing

Looking back, I don't think those athletes were only practicing their physical skills.

They were practicing something else.

They were developing mental skills, whether they would have called them that or not.

I saw examples of what is often described as the 4 C's of Mental Toughness: Challenge, Control, Commitment, and Confidence.

They sought out Challenge because they understood that improvement often requires deliberately putting yourself in difficult situations.

They focused on Control by directing their attention toward things they could influence—particularly their effort and preparation—rather than becoming consumed by circumstances outside of their control.

They demonstrated Commitment by continuing to work toward the goal of performing at their best, even when the work wasn't particularly comfortable.

And through repetition and preparation, they developed Confidence in their skills.

None of this required someone to stand over them and say, “Today we're going to practice mental toughness.”

They were already doing it.

They were practicing it.

The Skills We Don't Always Recognize

That realization changed something for me.

When I first entered the field of mental performance, I think it was easy to imagine my role as someone who would teach athletes mental skills.

Teach them confidence.

Teach them resilience.

Teach them focus.

Teach them how to handle pressure.

But the more time I spent working with athletes, the less I saw mental skills as something I needed to simply give them.

Athletes already possess many of these skills.

They demonstrate them in ways they may not recognize.

An athlete who keeps training after a difficult practice is demonstrating something.

An athlete who chooses to review a mistake rather than avoid it is demonstrating something.

An athlete who establishes a routine because they know it helps them prepare is demonstrating something.

An athlete who keeps working despite circumstances they cannot control is demonstrating something.

The skill is already there.

Sometimes the missing piece is awareness.

And awareness creates an opportunity.

When athletes begin to recognize why they respond the way they do, they can begin making those responses more intentional.

They can recognize what is already working.

They can identify what needs to change.

And they can begin developing those skills deliberately rather than relying on them accidentally.

So, What Are You Practicing?

This is where the question becomes bigger than extra training.

What are you practicing when nobody is watching?

Are you practicing avoiding mistakes—or learning from them?

Are you practicing giving up when something becomes uncomfortable—or staying engaged?

Are you practicing criticizing yourself—or responding to yourself in a way that helps you move forward?

Are you practicing waiting for someone else to motivate you—or taking ownership of your development?

Are you practicing the habits and responses that will help you become the performer you want to be?

Because eventually, there will be moments when nobody is watching.

There will be no coach.

No teammate.

No audience.

No scoreboard.

Just you and the choice in front of you.

And those moments matter.

The extra hill sprint matters.

The heavy bag in the garage matters.

The film you don't want to watch matters.

The mistake you don't want to think about matters.

Not because doing difficult things automatically makes you successful, but because those moments give you an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

They give you an opportunity to practice.

And they give you an opportunity to develop.

Developing the Person Behind the Performance

That's ultimately what my experiences working with athletes have continued to teach me.

Mental performance isn't just about helping someone perform better when the spotlight is on.

It's also about helping them understand what they're developing when the spotlight isn't on.

Because the person who steps into competition has been shaped by all of those moments beforehand.

The choices.

The habits.

The responses to adversity.

The willingness to confront uncomfortable things.

The decision to keep working when nobody is requiring you to.

The ability to recognize what is within your control.

The commitment to something that matters.

And the confidence that grows from knowing you've prepared.

As a Mental Performance Consultant, I've come to see my role less as someone who teaches athletes skills they don't possess and more as someone who helps athletes bring awareness to the skills they already demonstrate—and understand that those skills can be developed.

When we understand why we do the things that we do, we have the power to do them more intentionally and powerfully.

So the next time you're practicing, training, competing, or facing something difficult, ask yourself:

What am I practicing right now?

And perhaps even more importantly:

Who am I becoming while I practice it?